The story behind this song is actually not as depressing as the lyrics make it seem. I wrote it in about half an hour after a particularly rough few weeks at work.
I’m tired of waiting for it to be okay
I’m worn out, I’m broken
I can’t outrun the pain
So I’ll suck it up
Around the time I wrote this song, I was pulling a lot of overtime at my tedious, fairly physical job. I hit major burnout; my mind and body were both wrecked. My boyfriend had to remind me daily that things would eventually get better, so I held on.
Maybe I’m jaded, maybe it’s fine
All I know for sure is
I’m sick of this life
Broken and weary, still on I tread
I’ll keep on working
‘Til I take my last breath
I desperately wanted to love my job; but it felt like I was being worked to death. I wanted to go back and remember what it was like to be new and excited about the work. But every aspect of my life was feeling heavy and grey.
So cut me down, tell me I’m lazy
Wear me out, and make me bleed
I’ll just get back up
The burnout got to be so bad that every second of my free time was spent trying to catch up on the months of rest I had neglected. During that time, I had one friend flat-out call me lazy; it felt like others were implying the same thing, because I chose to take care of myself instead of spending time with them. It sucked, but I still carried on.
I’m so sick of waiting for the moment when
I’ll never have to wake up again
I wish I had the energy to make my dreams reality
But all I can think about is sleep
The bridge is actually just about wanting to sleep in for once. Getting up before 4am is the worst. I do not recommend.
So basically, this is just a depressing, musical way for me to whine about being burned out and wanting sleep. Sometimes songs aren’t actually that deep.